I am not my own

The other night I had a dream.

I know there can be pizza dreams (as in I ate too much pizza, and had a weird dream about flying dominoes and dancing pigs – that didn’t really happen by the way), but I do not believe this dream I had the other night was a pizza dream. For one, I didn’t have pizza the night before. For two, the dream provoked productive thoughts about my relationship with the Lord.

“It provoked productive thoughts….”
If I find that something is fruitful, I recognize that I cannot immediately surpass or dismiss it just because I don’t understand it. If something has good fruit coming from it, I believe it is my duty (and our duty as responsible adults and as good stewards) to seek it out and to discover the beauty in it. There’s no point in having trees with good fruit if we don’t eat of it, right? Someone planted it (who knows when or how long ago); but let’s use what we have and steward it well.

I know that for some of us, having dreams and equating them with the Lord speaking to us may be “out of the box”. It may not make sense. It may be new. We may not see it in Scripture or understand the purpose. If we don’t see it in Scripture, we can check out the following:
1. The story of Joseph in the Old Testament in the book of Genesis, chapter 37,
2. Joel 2 in the Old Testament
3. Thank God for telling Joseph (Jesus’ earthly father) about Jesus’ birth through a dream, because we might have had a very different story and history had Joseph (New Testament) not listened to God through this dream and then obeyed Him. (Matthew 1:20, Matthew 2:13)

Whenever something is “outside of my box of understanding” and is new, I try to not throw it away at first notice; because it might be worth something. Just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value. It may just mean I need more time to understand it or value it. Having something “outside of my box of understanding” may actually be a gift from the Lord; but I may need to pray and seek wisdom and guidance to have understanding of why or how it is valuable to me. I think a “mystery gift” is a good gift from the Lord that we don’t necessarily understand or may not have asked for.

I don’t think this “mystery gift” which is “hidden outside of my box of understanding” always has to be a thing. I think it can come in the form of an idea. Sometimes I think it’s people and personal relationships the Lord puts in our lives as gifts. (I didn’t know these thoughts were in me until I just now wrote them, therefore, I think this train of thought may be an idea for a future post…) The point being, if dreams are “outside your box of understanding”, I ask you to
1. Seek it out
2. Determine the fruit – good or bad?
3. Give it time
4. Give Jesus a hammer so that He can demolish the box AND give Jesus permission to demolish it WHEN we are ready and open for understanding that is beyond what we have right now.

This is my prayer for all of us – that we would continue to grow in wisdom and revelation and understanding and insight; and that as years and time go by, we would be able to look back and say, “Thank God I have more insight and revelation and wisdom and understanding than I did last year, last week, and yesterday”.

Speaking of which – Revelation! Let me share the revelation I have been thinking about in regards to this dream I had the other night.

In part of my dream, I was in a car and music was playing, and I knew it was the Lord singing over me and the others in the car. The only lyrics I remember playing in the car were as follows:

“What is yours is what is Mine”

I woke up, knowing the Lord was singing this over me and the others in the car. He was singing over us, “What is yours is Mine”.

At first, I thought it was a sweet reminder from the Lord that everything HE has, I have access to. Royalty. Acceptance in the family. I have resources, because You have resources. It was a good reminder! I was encouraged!

…But then, I looked again at the words.

“What is yours is what is Mine”.

This phrase was coming from the Lord.

“What is yours (Morgan’s) is what is Mine (the Lord’s).”

Ouch.

I realized it wasn’t about ME having what is HIS. It was about HIM having what is MINE. (or … let’s be real… It was about HIM having what I CONSIDER to be mine).

It was a healthy, holy conviction. Something good. But painful.

It was a reminder from the Lord that I need to have open hands (and open boxes… even in seasons of not understanding Him).

My response then becomes… “Ok, Lord… how?”

The Lord gave me a revelation of this a few weeks ago… of how I can be proactive about having an “open box of not understanding” without having doubt be inside of that box. What I mean by this….

There’s a space inside of me that questions. It’s not bad that I question. It’s just a holy wondering. A holy wanting-to-know. A holy inquisitive mind. It’s a good thing. It’s a God thing. But this space inside of me that wants knowledge and wisdom and revelation is also the space where the accuser likes to taunt and poke, because, I don’t know about you, but for me, places of revelation most often start out as places of unknown, awkward insecurity.

My questions provide space within me to trust and to know God. They can also be a space of vulnerability and weakness, and where there is weakness, the enemy likes to prod. (Remember, he comes around LIKE a roaring lion – as if he has control and power and a loud voice; however, the REAL LION is Jesus. Satan only plays the counterfeit. He likes to seem bigger and louder than he really is.)

I remember the Lord showing me this space inside of me. Call it what you want….
A space of questions
A space of the unknown
The mystery box
The open box
The space “outside my box of understanding”

Whatever makes most sense to you… call it THAT thing. Whatever it is… this space of the unknown…
In this space of the unknown, I have come to a conclusion that I refuse to let the accuser attack there. I refuse to let the accuser tell me that God is not good. I refuse to let the accuser tell me that God doesn’t know what He’s doing. I refuse to let the accuser tell me who I am. He’s not my Judge; God is. I refuse to let the accuser accuse me, when I have already been paid for. I am not under the accusation of the accuser. I am under the authority of a Judge and a King, and I will answer to King Jesus.

Therefore, the whole “What is yours is Mine” is convicting.
It’s convicting, because…

1. The Lord has been talking to me about stewardship, and I’m growing and learning and don’t always feel like I know what I am doing. It’s definitely a learning curve (which feels more like “speed bumps” right now).

2. I am reminded that God is the Giver and everything else is a gift.
Where I live is a gift. Where I am is a gift. My friends are a gift. My family is a gift. My community, these resources, this city – they’re all gifts. Therefore, I hold them with open hands, not closed ones. I cannot hold on to what does not belong to me.

It’s great to say this and to let it be publicly known, but how to live this out in the practical day to day… I have a feeling may be a bit tricky. (If you have insight, by all means – pleeeaaase share with myself and others. The suggestions would be welcomed!)

I have a feeling I will be learning how to maneuver the positioning of my open and closed hands in this season. Learning to keep open hands with everything that is not mine and is originally the Lord’s, because it’s from Him in the first place.

I woke up with a song on my heart this morning, and this is the beginning of the work-in-progress. Feel free to the lyrics to pray or sing through or as a jump-start to make your own song to the Lord! Have fun with it!

My personal heart song to Jesus this morning: 

I’m not my own
Written by Morgan Gascho on November 23, 2016

I’m not my own, I give it all away
It’s You who gave it to me in the first place

I am not my own
You have paid the price for my penalty
I am not my own
I submit to Your plans for me

Destiny on the horizon
I can’t see what is beyond
Skies proclaim Your majesty
Your outstretched hand extends my understanding

My dream the other night
Of You singing over me and my ministry
Singing, “All that is yours is Mine”
And I’m sorry You had to remind me

That I am not my own
I belong to You, the One who bought me
I am not my own
I submit to Your plans for me

Thanks for reading! 🙂
Until later, friends, shalom!

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About morgangascho

I grew up in Iowa, USA (famous for growing corn). I'm contemplative, I love writing, and blogging has become a hobby. Writing worship music is a way to engage in sweet conversation with the Divine Creator of the Universe, Jesus. He is my life. I am hidden in Him and I pray that someday I will know what that means. Until then, I'm seeking His glory, waiting for the day when it will all be revealed to me.
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